My Character Coach

Funny thing about marriage. Often times we get caught up in the euphoria or in lust and make long term decisions from that feeling. Most of us are painfully aware of the results. The rose colored glasses crack over time. What used to be precious is now a pet peeve. “She’s so organized” turns into “She’s a neat freak” or “He’s so laid back and easy going” turns into ” He’s lazy”.

Choosing a mate has just as much to do with our character as it does the other person. I have a friend who said to me ” I gave my all, everything that I am, to him and he still treated my horribly.” Problem is, it doesn’t matter what we do if you’re giving your all to the wrong person. There’s a saying in business that goes;”You don’t want to get to the top of the corporate ladder only to find out it was leaning against the wrong wall.” And so it is in relationships, careful who you invest yourself into. Give yourself time to find out more about a person after the intitial attraction has dimmed a little. The sizzle is nice but how’s the steak?

Too many families have suffered because we didn’t dig a little deeper. Love is in fact a choice. Once you have all the factors you can make a better choice. I too fell at the hands of “the grass is greener” syndrome.

I wrote a marriage covenant to illustrate the choice:

• Marriage is created for God’s purpose

• Marriage is for character development.

• Marriage is a microcosm of God’s love, commitment, grace, mercy and compassion.

• A great marriage focuses on God’s purpose not just individual needs.

• Marriage is doing what is Right because it is Right not because it Feels right

The Covenant Attitude: “I will never leave you or forsake you.”

I will not worship or be ruled by my feelings

I will operate from God’s will and not emotions

When I say I love you, it is not because I feel good about you because that could change.

I’m not saying I’m attracted to you because that could change.

I’m not saying I feel like we are friends because that could change

What I’m saying to you is; I am coveted to you. I will never leave you or forsake you

(Joshua 1:5)

Emotions are fickle, but the quality of our life/marriage will depend on the commitments we make. If you are divorced or in a struggling marriage make new and improved decisions and quality commitments. It has everything to do with character.  

There are different types of currency that makes the world go round and money is only one of them. First there is emotional currency, spiritual currency, physical currency, character currency and financial currency. Let’s examine each:

Emotional currency: emotional currency can be defined as, for example, filling your spouses love tank. You have heard of the term emotionally bankrupt. You have to keep investing emotionally in your relationship in order to keep the passion or bond strong. Building emotional currency comes when you speak your spouses love language and practice forgiveness among other things for emotional connection and interaction.

Spiritual currency: spiritual currency is the inner strength of a person. It’s the power that lies beyond the physical and the ego. It’s renewed inner strength, emotional integrity and power to change your reality. It is acquired through prayer and communion with the Creator.

Physical currency: this currency is simple to understand. The more we invest in our health through exercise, nutrition, relaxation and stretching the greater output we get from our bodies. We feel rejuvenated and gain certain vitality when we take care of our bodies on a deep level. I often say being physically fit is not a goal, it’s a lifestyle. Physical currency pays off in good health.

Financial currency:  We are aware of the currency of cold hard cash but there is more to it than that. Financial currency comes in the form of a financial statement, credit, assets and commodities. In fact, financial currency is anything that can gain or create value. Obviously, financial currency can be abused and misused and lead us to financial ruin. While others who properly manage money and assets prosper beyond compare.

Character currency:  The greatest of these is character currency. Character currency can get you all the rest, you can’t buy character but character can get you money. You can’t exercise your way into character but character can get you to exercise. Spirituality is part of who you are and a way of life, It will take strength of character to live it out. Character also gives you the self control in order to manage your emotions.

 The universe is governed by laws be it spiritual, metaphysical or scientific. Call it karma, cause and effect, relativity, motion, attraction or any other law. Call it what you will, they all stem from the creative source, God. We are only discovering what God has already done but we create our lives through character. We can either shape our life through character or our life (the world) will shape our character. The difference is being proactive or reactive. Until next week! 

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