My Character Coach

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I find myself in many conversations with different people on topics of relationships, finances and spirituality. As I reflected on the different topics I’ve found they had something in common and that is the persons internal comfort level, thought process and emotional state about the topic, in short their thermostat.

We’ve all heard by now that 9 out of 10 lottery winners are broke in less than 2 years no matter how much they’d won. Their financial thermostat is set to “poverty” or “struggle” but no matter what the setting is they will subconsciously divest themselves of their wealth. Like a thermostat they will get themselves back to where the needle is set. Its not the money it’s the person.

The same rules apply in relationships. If you are used to people treating you badly most of your life, when you meet someone who treats you well, you will sabotage the relationship if your thermostat is set to abuse or adopt a victim mentality. You expect mistreatment and then act accordingly. 

We have to adjust our thermostat by changing our internal dialogue. Will you continue thinking; “Money is hard to come by.” or ” All men are jerks” or any other negative psycho babble that we play in our heads that sets the gauge on our internal thermostat? 

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Success or failure is character. Not any one event or situation will make you a success or failure but your repeated actions. In other words your habits. You see, a successful or soon to be successful person, first picks up success habits. They may make a habit of reducing their debt, living below their means, and investing in assets such as real estate, stocks or starting a business. It will begin as something they do but over time, those winning habits become who they are. Donald Trump no longer has to convince himself to build or buy assets, it is no longer what he does, it is who he is!

The same is true for any person of long term success in any aspect of life. First develop good beneficial habits then it will develop into “who you are” not just “what you do.” After that success becomes automatic! As the saying goes; Sow a habit,reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny!

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Funny thing about marriage. Often times we get caught up in the euphoria or in lust and make long term decisions from that feeling. Most of us are painfully aware of the results. The rose colored glasses crack over time. What used to be precious is now a pet peeve. “She’s so organized” turns into “She’s a neat freak” or “He’s so laid back and easy going” turns into ” He’s lazy”.

Choosing a mate has just as much to do with our character as it does the other person. I have a friend who said to me ” I gave my all, everything that I am, to him and he still treated my horribly.” Problem is, it doesn’t matter what we do if you’re giving your all to the wrong person. There’s a saying in business that goes;”You don’t want to get to the top of the corporate ladder only to find out it was leaning against the wrong wall.” And so it is in relationships, careful who you invest yourself into. Give yourself time to find out more about a person after the intitial attraction has dimmed a little. The sizzle is nice but how’s the steak?

Too many families have suffered because we didn’t dig a little deeper. Love is in fact a choice. Once you have all the factors you can make a better choice. I too fell at the hands of “the grass is greener” syndrome.

I wrote a marriage covenant to illustrate the choice:

• Marriage is created for God’s purpose

• Marriage is for character development.

• Marriage is a microcosm of God’s love, commitment, grace, mercy and compassion.

• A great marriage focuses on God’s purpose not just individual needs.

• Marriage is doing what is Right because it is Right not because it Feels right

The Covenant Attitude: “I will never leave you or forsake you.”

I will not worship or be ruled by my feelings

I will operate from God’s will and not emotions

When I say I love you, it is not because I feel good about you because that could change.

I’m not saying I’m attracted to you because that could change.

I’m not saying I feel like we are friends because that could change

What I’m saying to you is; I am coveted to you. I will never leave you or forsake you

(Joshua 1:5)

Emotions are fickle, but the quality of our life/marriage will depend on the commitments we make. If you are divorced or in a struggling marriage make new and improved decisions and quality commitments. It has everything to do with character.  

As I watch news reports from around the world on CNN, MSNBC and others I have notice a growing need among mankind. Character.  We sometimes talk about peace and equality and tolerance but what we see around us is to the contrary.

The atrocities we commit against one another is unspeakable. And the only solutions many world leaders have stemed from an humanistic viewpoint. We’ve never seen the rapid moral decline in all of history until now. And still many don’t want biblical values in the public square and in schools and we continue to fall.

Humanism leads to hedonism then to hoplessness. Humanism is accountable only to “self”. Everyone has their own truth but what happens we your truth doesn’t line up with someone else’s truth? Conflict. The answer is not humanism, it is character derived from a biblical source that will hold us accountable. The fate of the world lies in the character of mankind. We are not accountable to “self” we are accountable to the Creator.

The cry for authentic, noble, upright character is deafening. Are you prepared to stand for biblical morality?

I started a marketing company at age 18 and was awarded a contract with a major department store which earned me about 54k the first year after starting with only $300. It was great but I couldn’t seem to get more contracts and I had poor money management skills. Later in life I decided to start a business from something I loved. That resulted in me opening a comic book store. I loved it but boy was it tough to stay afloat and eventually I sunk.

So a number of years later I decided to go into personal finance as an analyst and I learned a ton about money but something was missing. Throughout my life I have experienced minimum wage years and six figure years and through it all I’ve learned that money was not my problem, it was money management and character. You see personality can get you to the top but only character can keep you there. People such as Trump, Gates, Buffett and Soros are not wealthy because of their personality it is because it is who they are, their character.

The same can be said for relationships, your character will determine the long term make up of your family life. So I submit to you that when you look around at the different areas in your life and you don’t like what you see, look at the contents of your character. Character is the missing link in sustained success.

“If I keep my good character I shall be rich enough”                        - Platonicus

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The cure for a failing country is the character of man. It starts with each of us growing a moral and spiritual backbone. The work has to start on the inside and work its way out as a manifestation of character. Without authentic and noble character, all else has little meaning. 
 
Character vs. titles
 Many people put far too much emphasis on a position, title or credentials. Often they are defined by that title. I remember when I worked with a financial services company and initially, there was only insurance being sold but no one wanted to be an insurance salesman. Many times people in the organization were asked what they did, they responded with hymns and haws and made up titles. By the time I came along other financial products were added and a new title was adopted “personal financial analyst”. Now a sense of pride swept through the organization. Notice when you ask someone what they do, the bigger the title the more it is said proudly. I’m not saying not to be proud of what you do just to be proud of the person behind the title.

Character vs. reputation
 Reputation is very important to many people. They run around trying to protect their reputation. How can that be done? Dr. Wayne Dyer says reputation is theirs, character is yours. Your reputation is made up from the opinions of others. It’s their opinion not yours. Trying to shape everyone’s thought of you is not only futile, but also causes you to lose yourself. It becomes hard for you to tell the difference between whom you are and who people think you are. Celebrities are often advised not to read their own press. You can’t make everyone happy and you can’t please everyone. Reputation is theirs, character is yours!

 One of the first things I did when it was pressed upon my heart to research character was go to the library and hit the books. The first books I hit were the dictionary and encyclopedia. I found a definition of character that said: a composite of good moral qualities typically of moral excellence and firmness blended with resolution, self discipline, high ethics, force and judgment. The stiffening of the moral fiber we call character. After that, I was blown away; I must have spent weeks and weeks constantly looking up different words. I wanted to find the words that lost their meaning or somehow gotten distorted over time. My search continues.

Character vs. personality
 Today we confuse personality with character. But they are two different things. The difference is nature and demeanor. Character is your nature, who and what you are made of on the inside. Personality is more closely related to demeanor, it’s what people perceive you to be. Personality is the outward projection of your character. However, from time to time personality can be misunderstood. Sometimes people can mistake your intentions for something else. Have you ever heard the phrase “She made a mistake but her heart was in the right place”. Only through the stiffening of the moral fiber will you get the “benefit of the doubt” when your personality or intentions are misunderstood.

Character is what inside of us all, good or bad. I read a book by once that said “If you squeeze an orange what comes out?” Orange juice is the obvious answer. You can’t squeeze it and get tomato juice. What is inside comes out. In life we’re put in situations that test our character. Who we are inside comes out. If you want to know what’s in a person apply pressure.

More to come next week! click on comments to add your feedback.

The “new age” thinking of quantum mechanics and the law of attraction would have you believe that bad things don’t have to happen if you “will” it not to or we get the deepest desire of our dominant thoughts, both what we want and don’t want. 

Well, this is only partly accurate. We do get what we send out of our dominant thoughts or believe in faith, however, trials will come because we live in a fallen world, period. The bible says:” and when troubles come…” not IF.

Your character is like a sword forged by the pounding pressure of life tempered by the flames of circumstance. 

Life is an adventure filled with suffering and sacrifice, trials and triumphs, adversity and opportunity, all of which at its core, has one purpose; character development. You choose how you come out of the fire.

The bible clearly points out that  there will be suffering and trials but the bible also promises the development of character and victory if we count it all joy. (Romans 5:3-4, 1 Thessalonians 3:3, James 1:2 and 1 Peter 1:6) until next week!

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I spoke with a friend of mine and she had a very interesting perspective on my last blog entry. She did not agree with my statement that we live in a world of mud and are bound to get dirty. Her view was that we do not have to get dirty and she used the Lotus flower as an example. She said that they grow in mud and when they blossom they look untouch and pure even when it’s surrounded by mud. I think she makes a great point. I see our character as that purity she spoke of. When we refine, build and develop our character it is like an armor and compass that protects and guides us. Regardless of what happens in our lives we can choose our response. What is in you will come out. Focus on character because that’s what is exposed in trying times and determines how you come out of the situation.

Character has a relation with the law of attraction. If you are a “negative person” and you send out that energy you will recieve negativity back. What it has to do with character is that character puts your positive traits on autopilot. When you don’t have to conciously send out positive thoughts (which is energy) it is a part of character. Of course this takes time. When you think that everyone else has all the “luck” or gets all the breaks, it is because that is the energy they send out. Character is engraved on the soul, it is you at the soul level. We all operate from our character’s auto pilot and may not be aware of what we are attracting into our lives. Only when we raise our awareness and replace negative traits with positive ones will we realize a powerful and abundant life. Instead of using “new age” terms like attracting or manifesting, I’ll call it “believing”. What are you “believing” is true in your life? Do you see yourself as your circumstance is now? Do you believe your life is out of your control? What you believe is true because you make it so! 

God is continually working on our character after we recieve Christ. The bible says old things are cast away and made new. That includes our character. God promised abundant, prosperous life not a trouble free life and character is the seed (through Christ)  

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